Why are we avoiding love or scared of love? Is love a risk?
What stops us from finding and keeping the love we crave?
The answer is within us!
My belief most of us are afraid of really being in love.
We are all starting with the wrong intention, Fear!
We are so programmed to protect ourselves from being hurt.
Our defenses show up with illusions of what we believe to be safety and security, but actually pull us away from what we truly desire, closeness with one special person.
We are so fearful of true intimacy it drives us to destroy any potential partner.
Why are we so fearful?
I truly believe to form deep meaningful, passionate, intense with an abundance of emotional support we need to show and talk about our vulnerability.
This is so uncertain and when starting a new relationship, incredibly scary to take that risk, to trust, to allow others to affect our emotions.
No one wants to be exposed and that vulnerable.
No one wants to get hurt or be humiliated.
I have always given and shown my vulnerability.
And yes have truly been burned and my vulnerability abused, but I have no regrets.
I enter any relationship with clarity and awareness. I’m incontrol of my emotions, sharing my feelings, knowing that I will never be misunderstood, and have no regrets moving forward.
How the other person perceives my thoughts and feelings is their fear not mine.
When two people can share its right, if one partner can not face their past hurts, or resentments, the relationship will not grow.
History plays a big part in forming a new relationship, also our childhood impacts our trust, loyalty, love patterns.
If we have been hurt and rejected, we then associate love with pain, and allow the pain to bleed into any new relationship, romantically and friendships.
I also believe our beliefs affect how we love or allow love to enter our lives.
Being told you are too much or not enough, damages your self worth.
We then need to change that inner voice to love and approval of love.
Loving someone when that person sees themselves with hatred or self loathing, will only create more defensive behaviour to love.
We need to value ourselves first, understand ourselves with love first, or ultimately love will be destroyed.
Negatives thoughts of failure inlove will lead you to being disappointed repeatedly.
It is a self fulfilling prophecy.
“All my relationships fail”
“All men in my life have cheated on me”
“I will never find or meet someone”
“I don’t need any one, I’m happy on my own”
“I don’t need a man”
“I don’t need love”
“I don’t trust anyone”
“I can’t be bothered, such a hassle”
And the list goes on…..
This to me is the inner voice, which guides us to believe we have no value, and that no one could care for us, that we are undeserving of happiness.
This unfortunately starts in childhood, then follows us through to adulthood. This is so hurtful, harmful and even if someone sees us differently we still believe we are unworthy.
This is where defensive behaviour happens, because we are defined by our past and our inner voices.
Unfortunately we become accustomed to feelings of joy, sadness, pain, so falling inlove becomes associated with pain, sadness and even though we may feel joy, our fear is so great we avoid love.
We are so scared of emotions being stirred; good, bad or indifferent, we run in the oppsite direction or commit half heartedly, trying to protect all the real emotions of life.
My observation is that people also fear not liking the other person as much, or not enough.
I believe people avoid love because they dont want to reject that person, or be stuck with that person, what if someone better comes along????
Knowing oneself avoids these mistakes.
Is love always balanced, or do we love one day and hate that person another day?
Does one person love the other more at different times?
My perception is stop worrying where the relationship will go, or how we feel, and just let it flow with your emotions naturally, love is forever growing.
Love brings the most fear and challenges, and what do we do?
We self sabotage any possible fulfilling meaningful long lasting relationship.
I strongly advise you to know yourself with truth, do the work on yourself , then and only then will you find a healthy non toxic long lasting love.
I know I have experienced feeling lost, not thinking I was enough, lacking belief in myself, and tolerating toxic relationships.
I did the work on myself not only for all connections, but my working life too.
If I can walk tall with confidence and utter belief in myself anyone can.